Two years ago I started this blog after a fifteen-day stint in the hospital when my brain popped. (Actually just a blood vessel in my brain popped, but close enough.) One of the great lessons I learned out of that amazing experience was Trust. Flying over the Mississippi on my way to the emergency room at North Memorial, I had one tiny bit of control -- I could leverage myself up on my elbow to look out the window at the river below. I could not control anything else. I could not control whether the helicopter arrived safely. I could not control what was going on inside my own brain, either my thoughts or the bleeding. I could not control the quality or experience of the doctors and nurses on duty at the hospital where I'd arrive shortly. I couldn't even control whether I lived to lay back down on the gurney when the pain in my head became intolerable.
Being out of control, I learned to trust. Throughout that hospital stay, I learned to trust. One day a nursing student who was assigned to my floor asked me how I could be so calm, even funny, in the face of a life-threatening condition that might kill me at any moment. "My life belongs to God," I said, "and I trust that if he sees fit to let it end right now, he's got a good reason for that." Living in the face of death teaches you to trust.
The last day of my hospital stay I realized an Important Lesson. That is this: Living in the face of death requires trust, but so does living in the face of life. I can't control whether my vehicles keep functioning. (Though of course I can be responsible about maintenance, etc. That's a different issue.) I can't control what the other drivers do. I can't guarantee that my family members will all arrive home safely. I can't control the weather or my sickness / health or lots of other things. To get through this life, I have to trust.
So when I have a crazy busy week like this one, it brings me to the end of what I can control. Over and over again, I've had to remind myself to trust. Relax. Do what you can, and recognize that you're not finally in charge. Trust.